


How Could I Ever Forget?

by madamlapeche



Category: Assassin's Creed, Assassin's Creed Syndicate - Fandom
Genre: Child Death, F/F, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, idk what else to tag, uhm serious angst yo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-17
Updated: 2015-12-17
Packaged: 2018-05-07 07:14:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5447840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madamlapeche/pseuds/madamlapeche
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A drabble I dabbled on.<br/>Inspired by the musical "Next to Normal"</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Could I Ever Forget?

**_We were still living downtown,_ **

**_My black coat thrown over my blue nightgown._ **

 

You sat upright in your shared bed as you sobbed silently into your hands before Jacob came up with your breakfast of rainbow colored pills and oatmeal. It hurt him to see that this was the routine that consumed your very soul.

 

_The memories were bitter but stung as if they were just yesterday. It began from the very beginning when were told you would not be able to conceive. However that didn’t seem to stop you and Jacob from trying. Eventually your efforts would pay off. Your first child was a blessing that you and Jacob loved unconditionally. It would never occurred to you that your son would pass long before you would._

 

**_You drove too fast, the lights of the city flew past._ **

****

_You held your child with so much care in the carriage,hot tears streaming down your face as you tried to gently shake your son awake._

_“Wake up darling, please…wake up!” You sobbed as Jacob drove with speed towards the hospital._

 

_**How could I ever forget?** _

_**Outside the morning was cool and wet.** _

 

_It was barely dawn when you had woken Jacob up from your routine check on your child. You were shaking as he moved quickly, disregarding the fact that he was without a shirt when he slipped on his coat. It was then that the two of you began to race against time._

_**He had such chills, but still he lay there so still.** _

_**Just eighteen months old...so cold.** _

  


_Jacob’s pleas were met after a few seconds of screaming for a doctor.The nurses and doctors acted quickly when they saw the pale child in your arms._

_You were still trying to process what was going on as Jacob pulled you into a hug to keep you from shaking, his own demeanor faltering slightly._

**_That hospital room, that gloom._ **

 

“Do you remember…?” You whispered.

“How could I ever forget..?"Jacob replied softly, helping you take your medication, your mind slipping back into your memories. It was a question you asked every morning.

 

_You were screaming at doctors, Jacob remembers. He was trying so hard to hold you back as you screamed for your child._

 

_**Alarmed, upset, they said to wait,** _

 

_"Y/N don’t,” he said in a cracked voice, still trying to keep you calm. But it was to no avail as you continued to sob uncontrollably, calling out for your child. “You think this will help but it won’t!”_

**_They never said we were too late._ **

It was when Jacob cupped your face that you came back from the memory.

“Y/N…"he whispered, "please..”

You couldn’t help but lean into his hand, his warmth comforting.

Jacob needed you…he wanted his wife who was always so full of life back. After the loss of your first child, he wrote to Evie for help. He didn’t know who else to turn to. It wouldn’t take her long to come from India to help with you, even if it was just for a few weeks. Eventually you would conceive another child, a little girl whom you barely knew despite being her mother. You couldn’t bring yourself to bond with the infant, no matter how hard he pushed and you tried.

It only made your illness worse.

_**Those weeks full of joy, then a moment of dread.** _

_**Someone simply said your child is…** _

You began to cry again, pulling your face from Jacob’s hand as you hugged yourself.

_**How could I ever forget?** _

_**This was the moment my life was set.** _

_**That day that I lost you,** _

_**It’s clear as the day we met.** _

.o0o.

 

**Author's Note:**

> you guys should seriously listen to the musical, it makes me sob like a baby honestly.  
> the song used: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NpfRD_6JrY  
> Also to be noted: the reader is suffering from PTSD (I wrote it from my own personal perspective as I suffer from it, so I mean no offense to anyone who reads this.)


End file.
